For greater connection and less friction in your communication, set an intention to stop explaining unless you're specifically requested to.
Self advocacy is not about using more words to "stand up for yourself"... it's about having the courage to speak what matters and, not speak when listening would be a wiser choice for greater connection. Your actions speak your values for you.
Self advocacy is not a defence strategy to being accused of being wrong or a winning strategy to make sure you're not drowned out in a world of noise... it's beyond the paradigm of good, bad, right and wrong. It's a commitment to a quality of dialogue that inspires a deeper attentiveness and openness...it's taking a stand for a rich quality of relationship.
When we focus on the quality of connection in our communication, we tune in towards the other with empathy and curiosity, rather than assuming they're judging us. Our communication, when based in trust will have more room in it for space and rest...rather than feel urgent or like a run away "explainer train".
Perhaps we do that when we're nervous or worried that the other is judging us or isn't connected to us in the way we'd like. All the more reason to breathe, slow down and check in with our intentions...are we trying to explain or connect?
Underneath our explaining is usually some vulnerability and if we are willing to tune into that and soothe that part of ourselves and even share about that with the other person, our communication becomes rich with truth and immediately builds more of the sense of safety or reassurance we might really be longing for.
Do you recognise the "explainer train"? What's something you could do or say to reassure yourself or someone else the next time you're caught on a runaway train?
ps: it was happening to me this week and I paused and said "I notice I'm running away excited on an explainer train, I might just pause here and check with your perspective about this issue, while I catch my breath".